My godd, i have s splitting headache!
Argh!

I feel like lying on my bed the whole friggin' day!
I don't care if anyone else is more tired than me, but i'm tired.
I know, i know i should have gone for the meeting today, but you can't force me to do something i don't really want to do.
Its like asking a carnivore to eat greens.
Its been too long since i've been pushed or giving way.
I;ve been pushed to the friggin' edge and i'm about to fall.
I don't want to fall!
That's why i'm pushing back.
I'm sorree if i offended you or hurt you in any way.
But,,
Would you like it if i kept asking you to do things that you didn't really want to do?
Honestly, would you?
I know you're angry, but i really didn't want to go to something that wasn't even going to include me.
Don't make me feel guilty by blaming me for something i'm wrong for.

I'm not cut out for conflicts like this.
But please, don't push me anymore.
If i say yes, just appreaciate it.
If i say no, just accept it.
I really don't want to fall off that edge, i don't want to be a pushover anymore!
I don't want to be at the bottom where people can just throw things at me.
I don't want to be sad, pathetic and just following other people's instructions or whatever.

I'm sorreee ouhkae? If you think i 'abandoned' you in someway.

I just didn't want to do it.

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage: plain water.
2. last phone call: friday.
3. last text message: i have no prepaid!
4. last song you listened to: make you smile.
5. last time you cried: just now. cried in pain!

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice: ahah, no.
7. been cheated on: uuh, maybe. never really found out.
8 kissed someone & regretted it: no. never really.
9. lost someone special: maybe.
10.been depressed: at school? yeah. at home? nahh.
11.been drunk and threw up: NO!

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. black.
13. purple.
14. orange.

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend: somewhat made and lost.
16. Fallen out of love: hmm, i think so.
17. laughed until you cried: just now. a funny video came up.
18. Met someone who changed you: somewhat yes.
19. Found out who your true friends were: yes.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: i think so.
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: nope.
22. Been in a relationship: a few times.
23. How many kids do you want to have: four? if they were born distant-ly.
24. Do you have any pets: does a fish count?
25. Do you want to change your name: yea, but my parents game me my name.
26. What did you do for your last birthday: eat pizza.
27. What time did you wake up today: 5.55am, and went back to sleep.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: June holidays!
30. Last time you saw your Mother: an hour ago.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?: i don't see the point or the need of changing it.
32. What are you listening to right now: You Only Live Once.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: religous examinations! Grr-
35. Most visited webpage: youtube, friendster.
36. Whats your real name: Nabilah Bte Mohd. Ismail
37. Nicknames: Mummy?? Nab, Bilah-bilah??
39. Zodiac sign: Scorpio!
40. Male or female?: Female.
41. Elementary?: Over with.
42. Middle School: Sembawang Sec.
43. High School/Collge: not yet, but hoping to!-
44.Hair colour: Black
45. Long or short: Loooong.
46. Height: 159, but i'm going to round it off; 160! hahahs.
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: maybe.
48: What do you like about yourself?: uuh, open-minded maybe.
49. Piercings: 1 on my left ear and 1 on my right ear. :p
50. Tattoos: no way.
51. Righty or lefty: righty.

FIRSTS :
52. First injury: i think i was 6 and i fell in a drain trying to find a cat.
53. First piercing: my mom told me that i was a baby. :s
54. First best friend: i think i had one in nursery.
55. First sport you joined: i'm bum. i don't really like sports cause i tend to screw it up.
58. First vacation: Malaysia.

CURRENTLY:
59. Eating: i'm actually starving!
60. Drinking: i'm dehydrated.
61. I'm about to: go out to the kitchen and find something to eat, or just call my mother.
62. Listening to: finding home.
63. Waiting for: June Holidays!

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids?: yea! so when they grow up, they can do the house chores. ;P
65. Get Married?: to a rich man maybe. :p
66. Career?: successful lawyer, and then resign and stay home.

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: eyes mann!
68. Hugs or kisses: hugs, it feels like someone's massaging you. :p
69. Shorter or taller: i want to be neither a dwarf nor a giant.
70. Older or Younger: i prefer the younger days.
71. Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous. you tend to get needy at romantic.
72. Nice Abs or Nice arms: both! if you just have either, it gonna look abit weird.
73. Sensitive or loud: sensitive. loud people just hurts my ears.
74. Hook-up or relationship: relationship.
75. Troublemaker or hesitant: i think being hesitant is making trouble.

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: why would i?
77. Drank hard liquor: ugh. NO!
78. Lost glasses/contacts: never wore 'em.
79. sex on first date: i don't even like to go out on dates.
80. Broken someone's heart: maybe, don't think so though.
81. Had your own heart broken: no. what's there to be sad about?
82. Been arrested: of course not.
83. Turned someone down: maybe, i think so.
84. Cried when someone died: depends on who was lost.
85. Fallen for a friend?: once. but i never said anything.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: not really.
87. Miracles: sometimes.
88. Love at first sight: HAH! like that would ever happen.
89. Heaven: sure.
90. Santa Claus: i don't even celebrate christmas.
91. Kiss on the first date: maybe. never been on one.
92. Angels: sure.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: me? HAH! i can dream on.
95. Did you sing today?: no.
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: maybe.
97. If you could go back in time,how far would you go?: there's no need to.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: yes. i don't want to know what it feels like to be heartborken. I don't want to be one of those girls who cries over guys!
100. Posting this as 100 truths?: no, i have my own title.

-Another quiz.Answer True or False
Q: Kissed someone on your friends list? False.
Q: Do you like someone? True.
Q: Held a snake? True.
Q: Been suspended from school? False.
Q: Sang karaoke? False.
Q: Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do? True.
Q: Laughed until you started crying? True.
Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue? False.
Q: Kissed in the rain? False.
Q: Sang in the shower? True.
Q: Sat on a roof top? False.
Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? False.
Q: Broken a bone? False.
Q: Shaved your head? False.
Q: Played a prank on someone? True.
Q: Shot a gun? False.
Q: Donated Blood? False.

LAST PERSON.
1. You hung out with? - my mom, does that count?
2. You IMed? -not sure really.
3. You were in a car with? -how about a bus?
4. Went to the movies with? -Jiaen and Weiliang! beloved BFFs
5. Person you went to shop with?: Jiaen? i think.
6. You talked on the phone? - the school staff. -.-'
7. Made you laugh? -ryan stiles, collin mochery, wayne brady and greg! hahs!
8. You hugged? -my heavenly bed. :p

Here i am, at home, all alone. sigh*

I was really looking forward to going to school today.
Even though there was going to be 5stations during PE, and i couldn't go home straight after school.
I was going to get my english paper today!
And chem.
Mann, i really wanna know my marks. I want an A!

You know what happened this morning?
I got up from bed, went to wash up, and i started to puke. Jeez.
My parents asked if i was okay,, bla bla bla bla.
I was okay, cause i really really wanted my english paper.
Halfway when i was walking, i started to feel lightheaded,, and you know what happened?;
I fainted. -.-'
I hit my head on the curb of my bed. Jeez. It still hurts though.

I woke up, and there i was. Lying on my heavenly bed in my PE shirt and shorts.
I looked at the clock, aaaand, i was devastated.
It was 8.00.
My mother didn't even let me go to school!
Mann, i just wanted my english papers. And chem.


WHY?!
Why on earth did i have to faint on the day i was going to get my english papers?!
Crapp.

Crapp.
I just have to tell you this! Its so hilarious!

My friggin' jinx worked! You know what?;
I supported that "Adam Lambert", and he lost!
[I was actually supporting Kris] :p

HAHS!
I was hoping for it. ;D

But Adam Fanberts, not to worry.
I gurantee you,
He's gonna be totally famous, and make albums.
Just like the other non-American Idols.

My jinx worked! Hahs,
I'm so phsyced! ;D Sorree Fanberts.

But i really wanted him to lose. :p

A looooooong- sigh of relief*

Mann, i'm wiped. The mye's been taken, answered and marked.
B- B- B-. Jeez, i've been getting a B over and OVER! Crapp.
Doesen't an A come before B? Maann.
Art-B. Maths -B. MT-B. Physics -B. Jeez! Where's the friggin' A?
Just waiting, 'waiting' for my long awaited A, tomorow.
Looking forward to english paper tomorow. Chem? Ehh, not really that excited but i still want my results.

Just when i though it was all over, after the mid-year went by;
But,,
Religous class- mye's are starting up.
Crapp. I can't catch a friggin' break. sigh*

I'm really no good at those subjects. I pay attention, but;
I still don't understand! Grr-
I don't really have friends to depend on. Ask questions, or ask what's happening when i'm absent.
I guess its my fault. I don't really talk to them, I don't know how!
I'm totally not compatible with them. Eek-

Sunday- That's the day.
Two papers; 'Hadith' and 'Sirah'. I'll work hard, i will. I'm gonna read the pages that i'm supposed to but,,
Since the mye's finished i feel too relaxed.
I wanna rest anyways! I just feel like skipping those two papers and doing it another day.
I'm just so tired, so wiped out.

Could i? Skip it?
Argh! Why can't i make decisions? Oh crapp.
I just looked at the calendar. I totally can't skip it.
The following week, i'm going to Batam and can't take the other two papers.
So that means, if i skip this one, i'm going to have to retake ALL four papers at once, which i do not want to do.

Sigh*
I wish i didn't have to take it.
I wish i could just rest.

Weeps*-

Today is Sunday.
Thank god tomorow is a holiday or else i would be rushing through everything.

Today woke up early in the morning.
Mann, felt like sleeping more actually buuuut; couldn't.
Had to go to the mosque; Masjid Ahmad Ibrahim.
Went to ' tilawathun ' and said, read prayers. Had alot of difficulties.
But there was some entertainment.
Suddenly enjoyed myself. Unsual really,,

Whenever the weekend starts, my teeth start to shiver and my nails are bitten.
I keep worrying about sundays and religous classes.
I'm not saying i hate them or its burden or anything, but its like i have dual personality.
When i'm there, i become this timid, quiet and awkward girl.
I bump into things and somehow humiliate myself.
Aaaaand, since my malay is totally weak and i tend to doze off every now and then,,
I seriously don't understand what they are trying to get through to me.
I mean, i understand abit but not until i could get 70/100.

Sigh.

This year, i seldom go to class like always do every year.
I've been at that school since i was nursery and yet,
Nobody seems to remember or know that i even exist.
Even is they do, i'm not compatible with them. I can't communicate with them.
In the end, i end up as the stupid, loner girl.
I know i'm pathetic.

I wish there was a "cure" for this timid and quietness.
Or a friend there with me.

Its Saturday!
The start of a lousyy weekend. Heh,,
But it seemed like a pretty good start though.

Today,
Went to the movies with Wei Liang and Jia En.
Watched X-Men Origins; Wolverine. (Ty for the "treat"! Really appreaciate it.)
Its waaas, okaaaay. Pretty interesting. Explained everything i wondered about Logan.
It was touching, but not really to the extent that i would cry.
(I only cried when Jean Killed Prof. X :P)

After the 'intensifying' movie, abruptly decided to go to SSC.
We ate, we drank,we chat aaaand obvioiusly; studied. Hahs! Unbelivable right?
Wei Liang and Jia En didn't have the mood to study.
I did the worksheet all by myself. Hmmph.
Only did half of the worksheet. Wei Liang and Jia En too restless already.
But at least got some tips from the "maths genuises".

Walked around the mall,, pretty boring there.
We went to 'Daiso' aka. Two Dollar Shop. Hahas.
Looked around, we obviously,, (with Jia En around) tried on shades.
We kept trying them on like a bunch of morons. Haha!
People kept looking at us with confusion, thinking that we escaped from the zoo or something.

Wasn't able to finish any homework. Wails* x[
But no worries, (Even though i NEVER stop worrying) there's still Vesak Day!
Woots!~
But hope to finish everything on Sunday so that i could totally rest on Monday.

I don't feel like i'm good enough for you anymore.
I'm second - rate and worn - out for you.
I don't really feel that close to you anymore.
Feels like you've put me aside. You see me, but i'm almost invisible to you.
Why?

What have i done? Or what have others done to you?
I've changed. I admit that. But why can't you? Why do you deny that you've changed?
You've changed the way you talk to me.
You've changed the way you look at me.
I'm second-rate to you. I'm not saying that i have to be no.1 in your heart.
I know that's too far for me, but why did you changed almost all the things you've did with me?

Its like you don't want to be close to me anymore.
You've got a new person in your life, i understand. But honestly, i feel;
UNDER-RATED.
I know i'm just being jealous, but i don't feel the closeness, the bond we used to have.
You're always with them/her/him or whoever. What happened to me?
Abandoned is it?

I've been put aside. I don't think you've noticed that.
I don't think you understand how i really feel inside.
I would tell you, i've tried a hundred and one times,, believe me but the thought that you wouldn't listen or even hear me out is trapped in my mind.

So, go on. Push me aside from you way with her/him/them.

Today was tiring and especially hot!
My god, i don't i could have concentrated in class due to the humidity.
When i went home, i was sweating like rain was pouring! (just a figure of speech.)
Sad though, couldn't go home with Jia en because of NP. Hmph! ;P

Worries conquered me at this period, with English mye just tommorow!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!-
And another paper next friday! shivers*
Just hope i get good results, as good as the other 2e1's. >.<

Today in school, had art; messy ,, messy art.
Luckily, it didn't hit my tie.
I didn' finish the bloody cup. Will continue next week though.
(Making a clay cup is harder than it sounds.)

After that, had english! My most favourite (and beloved) subject! I love the teacher too.
Did nothing much but revised for tommorow's mye.
Had recess then. Didn't eat, didn't do anything much.
It was pretty boring today, except for art maybe. :D

The feeling of nervous and excitement is mixed up in me.
I'm somewhat excited for the Batam trip. It will not be postponed! Yayy!
I know some of you aren't glad, but i am! Hahs,, ;D
But i am nervous for the totally nerve-racking mye's. eek~
I just want to get it over with, so i can enjoy the rest of the month and the Batam trip!
Woohoooo!~
But i do want to get it over with flying colours. Its 25% of our whole year!
I want to work hard for it, but i just don't have the discipline for it.
Sighs,,

Mye's is like jumping off a cliff with a parachute to me.
The ones who work hard or are naturally smart, are able to open the parachute and land safely.
But i'm the one who would have difficulty just pulling the string for the parachute to open.
In the end; i land terribly and painfully.
I get bruises and wounds, which is; having bad results.

You want to know why i couldn't open it? Cause i'm a total bum.
I don't practice, i don't revise. I want to! But i always end up doing something else.
Stupid conscience.

1. Besides your lips , where is your favourite spot to get kissed?
- My cheek, i guess.

2. How do you feel when you woke up this morning ?
- Sick, with a splitting headache and fever. :(

3. Who was the last person you took a photo with?
- Jia en, i think.

4. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled ?
- I don't think so..

5. Would you ever donate blood ?
- Sure, if its for a good price. Hahas! [jk] Sure i will. :D

6. Had you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex ?
-I did.

7. Do you want someone dead?
- Dead?! No no no, i'd like the person to suffer first. >:)

8. What does your last text message say?
- "I don't think i can make it,, my fever is quite high."

9.What are you thinking of right now?
- Thinking of how i'm going to answer this question. Hahs!- :D

10. Do you wish someone was with you right now ?
- Yupp! 'My obsession.' :p

11. What time did you go to sleep last night?
- 10.00 p.m

12.Where did you buy the T-shirt you wearing right now ?
- I got it for free actually, at a malay camp. :D

13. Is someone on your mind right now ?
- Hmm, yupp.

14. Who was the last person to text you ?
- Lim Jia en. / Beloved daughter. Heehs. :D

Yesterday,
I had my malay oral. Aaaaargh! I really don't like malaaaay! I'm no good at it.
Really really weak at this subject. Grr.
I screwed up at so many parts!
The reading and the conversation. I kept stuttering panicking.
Who can blame me? I was sooooo nervous.
I crack under pressure!
When she asked me questions, i totally went blank!
I then started shaking and the words didn't really come out of my shivering mouth like i wanted to.
But, i had some glimmering hope.
Today, i was told my malay listening comprehension and oral.
I was lifted up, i got a 16/20 and 32/40! Which makes 24%/30%!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I was so happy and uplifted!
I felt like a really really heavy burden was lifted off me. (Its cliche', i know.)

Today,
The principal and vice, came into our english class!
But anyhow, we had loads of fun. Ms Goh (our bloved english teacher) was teaching us how to describe people in our compo writing.
We were given groups and we were given a "body part" to describe.
When we added our descriptions all together, it became this;
"He has short and permed hair which parts in the centre. The coulour of his hair is bright orange that it looked like an orange fruit. He has fierce eyes and thin lips with an ugly scar on his left cheek. He then has a huge 'hunky' body that looks like its about to explode and veins popping out his arms."
When we drew it out, it hideous! And really hilarious. I laughed like there was no tommorow.

After school, i was longing to go home. But, had chem remedial.
It was really really useful. I finally understand "transparently clear."

I am now finally home and i don' to be seperated from my home ever again!
(Even though i do have to go to school tommorow.) D:

You know the guys in malay class that just can't seem to keep their wide mouths close?
And the guys that sit outside the back gate doing nothing, acting cool, just watching other people go by.


These are the people that just piss me off.


In malay class, some of you just can't seem to shut up.
Is it so hard to keep your wide mouth close? Or does someone have to tape it up for you?
Why do you have to act cool doing something that's totally not?
I don't get it. Its just stupid to act big, when your brain is so "small".
You can laugh the the teacher when he/she does something weird every once in a while,
But there's a friggin' limit 'till you make someone really angry.

Plus, you don't have to act special when you walk out of the class.
In fact, its stupid and pathetic to act bigger than someone who's in charge.
Its also stupid and pathetic to act cool by doing/saying childish things.
Its immature.

Those outside the back gate, just seems to be acting cool just because they're not in school.
Big deal. So you're not in school on time.
What makes you so special when you sit there?
What makes you better than the rest of us?
You're doing nothing but just acting cool on the stupid, wabbly fence.
Seriously, what are you doing there?
Admiring the 'goody-two-shoes' students or just acting stupid?

Even you pretenders make me sick.
You try to act like something you can't even pull off.
Who are you kidding?
With you short skirts, trendy shoes, printed bag and low socks.
With your tube dresses, make-up, skinny jeans or whatever.
What are you trying to prove? That you're not unique? That you're just like the rest?
You claim you wanted orignality, but what happened?
Its like you were brainwashed to be this, this; a pretender. a low-life. a poser.
When you really, really changed, i really couldn't talk to you, i couldn't look at you;
Because i couldn't take you anymore. I'm sorree.


So just stop acting big, acting cool, acting to be something you can't be, acting better,
Because it just pisses me off.