maths is over duuhh-
relieved, concerned, cautious too.
a little here, a little there i guess.

tomorow's english,
practice? sure.
but- awwwh mann. i have sooo gotta buck up on my religous subjects!
i am way, way, way ,waaayy behind; and i've only got a week to catch up.
eeeksh enough?
at least the rest of the subjects (that i despise!) have ended. - finally.
english should be a breeze, but to be on the super safe side;
let's just practice finding facts in passages shall we?
i mean 'i'. -.-'

and since i get to relax just a little after the academic exams,
i can finally catch up on 'how i met your mother'!
my god, that man can tell a story.
the story seems predictable but it just shoots back at my face with unexpectation!
dissappoints me, amuses me, entertains me.
and i loove Barney; LE-GEN-DA-RY!
that phrase gets to me everysingletime!
he's full of himself, but that's what makes him such a good character. ;p
i'm only on season 2, but i can't get enough.
i've got to pause on it for awhile, but sooon;
i'm gonna un-pause! ;p

i effin' hate maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaths! -.-'
stupid paper.
there was a reason why it rained,
cause everybody in the epress stream in secondary two was probably crying!
(i'm exaggerating.)

mann, it was such a mistake to concentrate on science!
shit.
what luck do i have,
i studied on science, the science paper was easy.
i browse through maths, and ifeel like killing myself doing the paper.
why? why must this happen?
*shakes head, holding up hands.
must everything be this ridiculous? -.-'

but you know what? i'm gonna forget it, if i fail, i just have to pary that my previous work can back me up.
hopefully-


i've got my mind on another thing;
ever heard of the Mayan theory?
neither did i, but i'm sure everybody know what the hell doomsday is.
21 December 2021, not September. -.-'
believe it? nahh, i don't really care.
but its an interesting subject.
its fun knowing about how 'smart' people predict when the end of the world is.
i wonder what would happen on the day.
heh, i guess its for no one to know and for everybody to find out. ;p

shit.
my life sucks.

ever felt so absolutely pathetic in your life that you should just end it right now?
i'm pathetic sure, pitiful even.
even if i die, i don't think anybody would care right?
i'm neither important here nor there.
i don't think i have anything to live for anymore.
yea, i'm depressed sure.
but,
do people care about me?/ or are they just faking it?
i don't know,

i know there's always a reason for something; so is there a reason that i'm here?
i doubt it somehow.
i have friends, sure; but...
do they care about me?/ or am i just laughing along with them for no reason?
i'm not accepted here, i'm not accepted there, so; where the heck am i supposed to be?
but do i really have friends?
are they really what i think they're supposed to be?

i don't know what to think!
i don't want to have anymore bad thoughts about anybody!
but i'm starting to doubt my faith in them,
are they phonies? or am i just imagining it?
i could be overreacting, but i'm not sure.
am i still with them?, or are they already against me?
do they still even care?
or they don't anymore?
or they never did,

let's imagine, i'm deadd-
my parents would be sad, maybe.
people at school wouldn't give a crap about it and go on with their lives.
it'll be like throwing a paper ball into the rubish bin.
there's no worth in it and you could forget about it in a second.
so, i'm just rubbish.
and nobody would even care.

i'm overreacting, i know.
but, i want to know what's going on, i need to know what's going on.
does she care? does she not?
all these questions, all that's in my mind; will be possibly left unanswered.

care if i die?-
sigh~ -.-'

i've got too many thoughts right now,

'promises, they break before they're made'.
'who'd want to be part of the people when there's people like you?'.
'heaven ain't close in a place like this'.
'no one to confide'.

i've heard these things like a billion and one times now.
everytime it comes up, i think of my own patheic life.

people make promises, but they don't really keep it,
it hurts to hear the things that would disappoint you.
they can't keep it, they know they can't but they still want the expression of disappointment on your face.
its called lying actually.
i've been duped too many times in my frggin' life.
its lie after lie, and i'm dumb enough to go along with these deceites.
that's why i can't give my trust anymore. (its also one of the reasons why i rarely go out.)
i can't believe anything that comes out of anybody's mouth anymore,
cause i know its just not true.

who does want to be part of what's now commonly known as society?
you know what i see when i look around?
mannequins, having the same style, same attitude, same personality.
a.k.a; 'posers'.
its just so sad to see the same things everywhere.
is it so bad to be different? is it so wrong?
i guess it is to some people.
i just don't get it, just because i don't have a bag like that, my skirt's not that short, or i'm not so wild, and i'm not into the same kind of music, i can't be part of the same world?
i have to be looked down for having my own rights and rules?
i have to be actually alienated to far away planet?
so be it.
i'd rather be what i am and supposed to be than a bunch of bozo's who look alike. -.-'

heaven't isn't close in a place like this.
in fact, its basically somewhat hell.
its not that i'm not grateful for being here,
but 'here' is really horrible.
i know i have easier than other people, but i'm lower than all of this.
its not like i could take it! jeez.
ohh, and this is actually kind of being in 2e1 and having religous class at the same time.
i can't basically do both at the same time,
i'm weak! -.-'
i need help. ;[

i don't have anyone to confide.
its not like anybody understands, even if i tell them its not like they understand.
if i say it out, i'd be like a whiny baby.
if i say it out, people get hurt.
if i say it out, i'll be the bad guy.
its just not worth it. i just see it better if i don't let it out.
people think its bad to keep things inside, but honestly, it makes this world a better place.
other's, (even my parents) don't really know or understand me.
if i say 'A' other's think about 'B', 'Z' or maybe even 'Q'.
its ridiculous!
but honestly, even i don't really know myself.
i'm different at home, school, and my 'other' school.
there's so many to keep track of that i kind of lost it.
what can i say? - i'm fated to pretend.

yea, i like to criticise; so what's it to you?

gawd! move on! build a friggin' bridge and move on. -.-'
is that so hard?
overreaction- its done unconsciously, and basically stupid.
and i don't think that anyone is right here.

they started it, you should have finished it.
not continue! that just starts off more fires.
you claim that they're cowards, for not confronting you or saying things behind your back,
but its not like you have the guts do anything to them either.
its like calling someone short when you're the same height as them!
you claim that you're smart but you're doing the same things they are doing!
you're insulting them when they're not even there!
what's up with that?
don't be like them pleeease. be what you're supposed to be,
smart, and not overreacting! plus, what you actually claim to be.

*takes in a deep breath.
*lets go..

i'm not going to talk about this friggin' thing anymore.

i depise mother tongue. -.-'
it despises me as well.

am i going to pass?
shit,
i don't want to friggin' fail! no.
i wish i was smart, i really do.
could i have that?, some day?

its been a long time since i've heard this,
just ignore the tattoos and the uneccessaries.


i still love it, and i still love these guys.

its 'piss-me-off' day i suppose,

AAAH GAWD!
first, they tell me that i have to re-take my effin' english exam.
i have other subjects to study besides these 9 subjects!
aaaawh jeeeeez-
i'm gonna die! die.
but its not like i can do anything, so what can i do? -.-'

and then these effin' people whose mentality is soo effin' strange and obviously has no common sense, comes shouting at people who has done nothing wrong.
you're targetting the WRONG person dude.
and its not the entire e1 who went to report.
do they actually think we want a re-take? NO!
who does anyway?
and what's up with thrashing our classroom? what have we effin' done?
what's effin' wrong with people? WE didn't do anything!
go find the right person, if you even can.

and if they didn't want anybody, or anything to get caught, then they should have just kept their bloody mouths shut aye?
and especially to the 'complainy' person, you should have just shut up.
all this, started with a friggin' sheet of paper and a friggin' wide mouth.
its just effin' ridiculous!


you know what i realized?
people, including myself, have seriously bad planning.
my gawsh,
they told it was the first house, so i effin' stayed home!
and told me that they would be coming around 4.15, so i waited- for an effin' hour!
it became 4.30, it didn't matter. i just waited.
it became 5.00, was beginning to calm down- but i still waited.
turned out, that they went on first without me. it didn't matter that much so i just waited for them at my house.
it became 6.00.
turned out again, they went on- without me.
from then on, i became frggin' pissed.
maybe 6.15, someone calls me- asking if they could still come to my effin' house.
of course not!
there was a friggin' reason why i said my house should have been first,
my family are busy people!- hen mang ren! -.-'
it was in the effin' evening, my parents are out, how the hell am i suppose to invite them in?!

f**k.
i guess i'm just not that important right?
i'm just another dull girl to be put aside to one friggin' corner whereas the rest, who are supposedly 'fun' can go off effin' around.
fine.
its not that i don't care, if i didn't, i wouldn't be typing this down!
i care, i friggin' do.
but i can' tolerate anymore effin' nonsense. this is just as well; ridiculous.


what an effin' year.
it has pissed me off a number of times, that i don't think i have to will to live anymore!
when there's no will, there's no friggin' way. - and nothing to be left behind.


i can't describe how i'm feeling- but i know i just don't want to feel anything anymore.

one paper down,
technically five more to go. -.-' [physics, chemistry, MT paper 1, MT paper 2, maths.]

why can't we just take all of the papers in a week?
wouldn't that be easier and give me a little more relief?
i can't bear waiting for exam papers.
the tension kills me,

i don't feel like taking the other papers.
i' bad at all of the other subjects. i'm gonna die-
and i'm still making the friggin' decision of subjects.
FnN? Pure Science?
my brother's no help. i ask him he goes; " aaaaaaah "
its annoying really.

i'm sooooo pathetic! jeez-
i can't make a decision, i don't want to take my examinations,
what's the friggin' matter?






i need help.