i've got too many thoughts right now,

'promises, they break before they're made'.
'who'd want to be part of the people when there's people like you?'.
'heaven ain't close in a place like this'.
'no one to confide'.

i've heard these things like a billion and one times now.
everytime it comes up, i think of my own patheic life.

people make promises, but they don't really keep it,
it hurts to hear the things that would disappoint you.
they can't keep it, they know they can't but they still want the expression of disappointment on your face.
its called lying actually.
i've been duped too many times in my frggin' life.
its lie after lie, and i'm dumb enough to go along with these deceites.
that's why i can't give my trust anymore. (its also one of the reasons why i rarely go out.)
i can't believe anything that comes out of anybody's mouth anymore,
cause i know its just not true.

who does want to be part of what's now commonly known as society?
you know what i see when i look around?
mannequins, having the same style, same attitude, same personality.
a.k.a; 'posers'.
its just so sad to see the same things everywhere.
is it so bad to be different? is it so wrong?
i guess it is to some people.
i just don't get it, just because i don't have a bag like that, my skirt's not that short, or i'm not so wild, and i'm not into the same kind of music, i can't be part of the same world?
i have to be looked down for having my own rights and rules?
i have to be actually alienated to far away planet?
so be it.
i'd rather be what i am and supposed to be than a bunch of bozo's who look alike. -.-'

heaven't isn't close in a place like this.
in fact, its basically somewhat hell.
its not that i'm not grateful for being here,
but 'here' is really horrible.
i know i have easier than other people, but i'm lower than all of this.
its not like i could take it! jeez.
ohh, and this is actually kind of being in 2e1 and having religous class at the same time.
i can't basically do both at the same time,
i'm weak! -.-'
i need help. ;[

i don't have anyone to confide.
its not like anybody understands, even if i tell them its not like they understand.
if i say it out, i'd be like a whiny baby.
if i say it out, people get hurt.
if i say it out, i'll be the bad guy.
its just not worth it. i just see it better if i don't let it out.
people think its bad to keep things inside, but honestly, it makes this world a better place.
other's, (even my parents) don't really know or understand me.
if i say 'A' other's think about 'B', 'Z' or maybe even 'Q'.
its ridiculous!
but honestly, even i don't really know myself.
i'm different at home, school, and my 'other' school.
there's so many to keep track of that i kind of lost it.
what can i say? - i'm fated to pretend.

yea, i like to criticise; so what's it to you?